apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
