I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
