Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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