I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Don't make out with my wife yet
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
