I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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