guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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