I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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