He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
