Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My liver just had a heart attack.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
