I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
