It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
either way he was missing a nipple.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
