Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
