Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
