i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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