she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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