I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
