Umm I'm too high to move.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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