he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
