If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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