She said her name was "party"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
