dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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