We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
