you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My breath smells like gin and sadness
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
