i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize