I just saw a hot homeless man
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
