You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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