I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize