Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
my god I love twenty year old dicks
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
