We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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