you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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