Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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