We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
