benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
