I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
