You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You are a genius and a whore.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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