Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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