She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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