I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Randomize