I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize