just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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