Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
