I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize