In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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