it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
