Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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