I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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