You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
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