The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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