and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
