Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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