Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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