Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
