weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
