ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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