I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Randomize
