I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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