Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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