The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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