Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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