remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
