Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
