I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
True strength comes from lack of pants
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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