is wine microwaveable?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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