U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
