k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
