Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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