I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
