are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
