Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
