dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
