omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Brb crying the tears of my youth
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
