remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
