sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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