you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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